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A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived." Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

There was an Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irishman opened his lunch pail, finding cabbage and beef. "If I get one more beef and cabbage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building," he says. Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and finds a burrito. "If I get one more burrito for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building," he says. The blond man opens his lunch pail and finds a bologna sandwich. "If I get one more bologna sandwich I'm gonna jump off of this building." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch pail and found cabbage and beef, so he jumped off the building to his death. Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, and upon finding a burrito he jumped off as well. Finally, the blond guy opened his lunch pail and found a bologna sandwich. He too jumped off the building. The next day at their funeral the Irishman's wife said, "If only I knew that he didn't like cabbage and beef, I would surely have packed him something else." The Mexican's wife said, "If only I knew he didn't like burritos, I would have packed something else." Finally, the blonde man's wife spoke. "I don't know what his problem was. He packed his own lunch."

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so." Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. The pilot replied, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"